Meet Me at the Water Cooler… Online?

No, it isn’t the name of a new networking site. I am instead referring to how we have moved from an age of how we used to gather around the water cooler as Jenkins liked to refer to it, to having this social setting online now. Certainly, the water cooler conversations haven’t come to an end, but now if no one in your work circle seems to pay attention to a show on television like you do, you now have another outlet, or should I say outlets? We have constantly been evolving in the forums we use to social, moving from the public baths of the Roman times to city hall to the water cooler and now to the World Wide Web. It is easy to access this means to network and discuss, and there are plenty of outlets to do so as well, blogs, message boards and of course, Facebook. With that said, the water cooler is now online.

I don’t know why, but I find this shift in how we socialize amazing. Certainly we’ve come a long way since the Romans. And I do wonder, what part of how we social now, will become as outdated as talking in a giant tub? While I am not saying the online network of socializing will be leaving us any time soon, I do wonder what it will make obsolete in the world of socializing? I know. A question for another time.

I am bored out of my mind at work today, so I decided to search the term “online socializing” since I am struggling with this blog post. Of course, I’d happen to come across what I think is something humorous, a YouTube video about online socializing. Of course, I am at work at can’t watch it thanks to being Websensed. You know how I blogged earlier about having restrictions and this being bad for children being able to grow and be responsible on the web? Well, being Websensed at work sure makes me know how a child whose parents monitor his/her every move online feels. Back to the video. I have no idea what it is about, and perhaps it is really helpful. I have to admit that the first thought I had was that it’s going to be about how to socialize online. Now, this is perhaps a really good idea. And after further Goggling, I even found a college course dedicated to studying online socializing.

This takes me back to the shift in us socializing more and more online. While I certainly don’t think we need to be taught on how to socialize online, I revisit a subject touched upon earlier – researching it! Now watch, I’ll go home and watch that YouTube video and think some education about socializing online is needed. But really, were we taught how to socialize face to face? Not really. Our parents made sure we had a social network available to us and we continue to keep routes to that network open, but no one is really teaching anyone about it. The Romans simply started it in the public baths. And those after simply evolved it (thank goodness!).

I realize this blog has been everywhere almost since the water cooler. My point in the end is that new forms of media are positives to how we communicate with one another. Quite personally, I am somewhat glad to be able to log on and discuss a TV show online instead of at work. At work, you always have that chance that the co-workers you are talking with will bring up something else… something you didn’t exactly want to hear about. When you are online in a discussion board or maybe even in a chat, if you don’t like something said or the topic, you leave! No offense to anyone.

A Positive Spin

When I first considered what to look deeper at this semester choosing to look at new media effecting socializing, I have to admit that I was more of a proponent of it, thinking new media would be more detrimental to our social being. Last week we touched on cyber bulling. Now certainly this would be evidence to fuel my argument on the negative side. While it certainly is a huge issue along with all that surrounds it, I saw a positive light out of it. We familiarized ourselves with the story of Megan Meier and how she met and made a good friend online. While this turned out in the worst possible way it could in that the “friend” was a hoax, it made me see how social networking online can be very positive for many pre-teens and teens to develop friends. Megan had trouble it seemed making friends in school and in her neighborhood. Like many teens, she faced all kinds of pressures, one mostly of not fitting. However, online she did. She met a boy and likely strengthened her socialization skills in conversing with him and getting to know him along with respecting herself more. I think it is important to put the bad outcome of this aside and look as to how socializing online can be a huge plus for all of us today. As this blog listed on the New York Times under Health shows , it's safer than we think and actually, quite beneficial for acquiring social skills.

I know I personally was a bit shier in high school than perhaps most. And I won’t deny it. I am very anti-social today. Ask my husband. I am not crazy about going out or being around crowds and prefer to sticking to a close circle of friends that I’ll actually go out with to dinner or a movie. However, I love being online and chatting with friends and emailing. And I question if I would have had that outlet growing up, how different would I be? Would my shyness have been minimal? Questions I’ll never be able to answer. I know today though with the world of chat and email and being online, I am a lot more outspoken than I would have ever dreamed of being in high school.

This seemed to be the same for Megan. She was her true self online, confident, respected, fun-loving and outgoing. I think if we would have viewed Megan in a face to face social environment, she would have been quite different. I know I am. And I think a lot of people are. I took an online course last spring and almost instantly you could tell a difference. A majority of the students I felt spoke their mind and were quite active in participating on the discussion boards. We more easily left comments for one another. The comments were still respectful and everyone was kind to one another, but when you read some of the posts, you could easily sense that had this been in an actual face to face class setting, a lot would have went as not being said.

I think we can even see this in our online classes for this class through online chat. Ours have gotten a bit out of hand at times, and when you think of that, you know those things would never be said in class. Even so, the discussion moves a lot quicker and more input is given from all members of the class when we are in the chat setting.

In these two examples, I think it is safe to say that individuals, may it be a teen or college student or professional, communicate easier online. We can speak out and express ourselves in a way I doubt any of us ever thought possible. We are more comfortable in our skins and confident in our thoughts. We respect ourselves more as well as those around us in the online world (for the most part). Check out this video about the idea behind an online learning community. It really spoke to me about the importance of being able to socialize now online in addition to the “real” world.



Having the ability to communicate more online has opened up a whole new world, one especially beneficial to all us shy ones of society. So while I started this blog more set in how online communication would be bad for us in learning to socialize and nurture our social skills, I can now say I’ll argue against that. I’ve been a supporter of it for years and simply never realized it or how it was helping my own quest in being more social. In closing, I found a video done by an individual who I think has flourished in the online world. It is a bit long, but I think his message really wraps this up in how it is easier to socialize online.

A Right to Some Privacy, Please

Children of today need to learn how to explore and use the web. With parents monitoring every step children try to take online, they will not learn those skills. I understand the need to protect children, but we cannot completely take away their right to privacy. Parents and children will trust each other more if there are means to openly communicating. Children will learn how to be responsible online and learn how to socialize online, two attributes that will prove to be very important in the digital age.

Growing up, I am sure we all heard a similar phrase from our parents when they said no to something we wanted or did something we didn’t think was fair – “Wait until you have your own kids someday.” Well, I don’t plan on ever having children other than the four legged furry kind; however, being older now, I think I do appreciate some of the decisions they did make. I feel I also look at life now more with a parental eye.

However, upon reading the last chapter of Pavlik in which online monitoring software was discussed, I have to say I was disgusted. I certainly agree that there should be restrictions for children exploring the web but this completely invades their privacy. I know what you are thinking. How does this fit with it affecting how we socialize? Well, I feel that a constant monitoring of a child’s browsing online is harmful to him/her in learning the social skill of decision making. Parents simply cannot hold a child’s hand the entire time he/she is growing up. Think of the disaster that is bound to happen when that child ventures off to college or into life… alone… without any monitoring software.

I wasn’t sure if maybe my want to not be a parent did influence my support for some privacy for kids, but then I came across a show that had aired on Lifetime. Just a quick read of the synopsis showed me that I am correct in my thinking that allowing freedom online is good and that children are learning important social skills. You can read the synopsis here or watch a quick video on the importance of online socializing for children.

As I mentioned with television and parents making use of the V-chip, a similar scenario approaches us in this case. Parents by all means should control which sites a child visits online as well as what the child lists online on a site such as MySpace. I feel there are good options available for this type of control, such as parents being able to restrict sites as well as parents approving what a child may post for personal information on a page displayed publicly. To me, this will teach a child trust. The parents trust in the child in him or her not visiting sites a parent doesn’t approve of or posting information a parent has stated is not appropriate. The child will also trust the parents and feel the parents are protecting him, yet giving him the opportunity to prove he is responsible. I stumbled across this article posted online by CBS. It spoke on the tips and myths of keeping children safe online. My favorite tidbit from it was a paragraph close to the end that was certainly targeting monitoring software or programs:

Which all leads to the fact that - regardless of what technology parents try to employ, the best filter is the one that runs in the young person’s brain - not on a computer.

For me, having some report sent to the parent or the parent being able to log on and “watch” what the child is doing online will tear the child down and not allow him/her to learn the skills needed to make decisions and well as whom to trust. I also feel it would be detrimental to the child as he/she will know the actions are being monitored. In being monitored, the child will not grow and learn how to socialize for themselves online. Every child will constantly be thinking, “well mom or dad are watching this or reading this, so I am not going to check it out or read it or write it,” even if it may not cause any alarm. Like the story above mentioned, children have brains. Let them use ‘um.
This is especially important for teens. Teens have a right to some privacy. Teens are by nature private individuals. Some software to monitor every action isn’t going to remedy this and will only make it worse. And believe me, while my parents were not overprotective (the Internet didn’t really exist in my teen years), being sheltered by growing up in the middle of nowhere as a child was enough “monitoring” for me. I didn’t turn out all that bad (at least I don’t think), but I probably tested the waters a little too much after starting college. Yeah, you know what I mean…

Editorial Note: A few days after writing this blog, a segment aired on WDAY in Fargo (channel six). After viewing it, I wanted to call the parent and say “Yes!” a parent who is participating with their children online instead of monitoring it on the spy level. The mom had joined Facebook and her children were very open to this as well as having her check in on their profiles from time to time. Her kids to some extent even thought it was pretty cool that Mom was on Facebook! I am not sure how long the video will be online, but click here to check it out!

Pollute Me TV

I am going to start by making a bold statement: TV can pollute our minds. It can control our lives. In general, it is quite evil. Think back to the last time a crisis happened in our nation. It was on the television, hour after hour after hour, which turned into days. Yes, we do have the right to be informed, and yes, I guess we can turn off the TV, but one can’t help it. It pulls you in. You have to keep watching it. I am sure we have all been there at least once in our lives.

I was almost pulled into it earlier this week with the huge drop of 777 points of the stock market. Having had a mom in the financial industry growing up, I started my 401k at the age of 20. At this point in my life, I have that vested at 100% into the stock market. Monday was not a good day for me. Luckily, I am at least 30 years from retirement. Once I realized that, my television got turned off. I can’t help but think of those though that lost huge amounts of money and sat and continuously watched the news reports on it. Didn’t I mention television can be evil?

Don’t get me wrong. I love my television, perhaps even more than the next person. When you have lived in North Dakota all your life, my first 18 years practically in the middle of nowhere (largest city, Aberdeen, SD – located 88 miles from where I grew up), television becomes a really good friend. And even in my return to college life, the TV is still one of my best friends, providing me the background noise I just seem to need to study and then sleep. So really, I think I am pretty neutral, if not even a bit more on the side of TV.

Speaking with my friend Jani the other morning, she stated how she set her aging father in front of the TV set as she ventured off to work. She promised she’d be back on her lunch break to check on him. Due to unforeseen circumstances within the last week, Jani is now in charge of her 80+ year old father until she is able to locate another nursing home that will accept him. As she described this to me, she said she felt like a parent, plopping her child in front of the television set to occupy him so she could get something done, letting him tune in to whatever TV land had to promote for the day.

Ironically, a few hours later, I sat down to read Pavlik. And he was throwing out percentages about television, one in particular of how many Americans use TV as their #1 means of obtaining the news. In both the conversation and Pavlik’s rant on ratings, I couldn’t help but think yes, we certainly are taking in the news on TV, but how much other content are we taking in as well, may it be through subliminal messages, advertising or concepts that we interpret in our own way?

Jani’s father is a grown man. Yet, she was concerned about what he was going to watch on television all day and what kind of ideas he would have and stories he would tell her when she got home. One day she recalled something he had seen that made him scared to be in a nursing home! “You are just going to drop me off there and never come see me again. I know. I saw it on TV!” is the statement he made to her. If an elderly man is deriving this out something he watched, what about the shows our children are seeing, or should I say the ideas our children get from these shows? Parental controls aren’t likely used in many homes in America, though I am a huge proponent of parents being more in tune with what their kids are watching. It cannot be helped sometimes, and there may even be a show that seems very appropriate, yet ideas can be formed from it that simply aren’t. Or a commercial during the show as sometimes those too aren’t exactly “kid-friendly.” Jani has yet to figure out just what it was her dad watched that one day. As she headed out the door that morning, she had no choice in what to do with him other than handing him the television remote. I am sure she spent her day hoping the same show wouldn’t be on again that day.