A Right to Some Privacy, Please

Children of today need to learn how to explore and use the web. With parents monitoring every step children try to take online, they will not learn those skills. I understand the need to protect children, but we cannot completely take away their right to privacy. Parents and children will trust each other more if there are means to openly communicating. Children will learn how to be responsible online and learn how to socialize online, two attributes that will prove to be very important in the digital age.

Growing up, I am sure we all heard a similar phrase from our parents when they said no to something we wanted or did something we didn’t think was fair – “Wait until you have your own kids someday.” Well, I don’t plan on ever having children other than the four legged furry kind; however, being older now, I think I do appreciate some of the decisions they did make. I feel I also look at life now more with a parental eye.

However, upon reading the last chapter of Pavlik in which online monitoring software was discussed, I have to say I was disgusted. I certainly agree that there should be restrictions for children exploring the web but this completely invades their privacy. I know what you are thinking. How does this fit with it affecting how we socialize? Well, I feel that a constant monitoring of a child’s browsing online is harmful to him/her in learning the social skill of decision making. Parents simply cannot hold a child’s hand the entire time he/she is growing up. Think of the disaster that is bound to happen when that child ventures off to college or into life… alone… without any monitoring software.

I wasn’t sure if maybe my want to not be a parent did influence my support for some privacy for kids, but then I came across a show that had aired on Lifetime. Just a quick read of the synopsis showed me that I am correct in my thinking that allowing freedom online is good and that children are learning important social skills. You can read the synopsis here or watch a quick video on the importance of online socializing for children.

As I mentioned with television and parents making use of the V-chip, a similar scenario approaches us in this case. Parents by all means should control which sites a child visits online as well as what the child lists online on a site such as MySpace. I feel there are good options available for this type of control, such as parents being able to restrict sites as well as parents approving what a child may post for personal information on a page displayed publicly. To me, this will teach a child trust. The parents trust in the child in him or her not visiting sites a parent doesn’t approve of or posting information a parent has stated is not appropriate. The child will also trust the parents and feel the parents are protecting him, yet giving him the opportunity to prove he is responsible. I stumbled across this article posted online by CBS. It spoke on the tips and myths of keeping children safe online. My favorite tidbit from it was a paragraph close to the end that was certainly targeting monitoring software or programs:

Which all leads to the fact that - regardless of what technology parents try to employ, the best filter is the one that runs in the young person’s brain - not on a computer.

For me, having some report sent to the parent or the parent being able to log on and “watch” what the child is doing online will tear the child down and not allow him/her to learn the skills needed to make decisions and well as whom to trust. I also feel it would be detrimental to the child as he/she will know the actions are being monitored. In being monitored, the child will not grow and learn how to socialize for themselves online. Every child will constantly be thinking, “well mom or dad are watching this or reading this, so I am not going to check it out or read it or write it,” even if it may not cause any alarm. Like the story above mentioned, children have brains. Let them use ‘um.
This is especially important for teens. Teens have a right to some privacy. Teens are by nature private individuals. Some software to monitor every action isn’t going to remedy this and will only make it worse. And believe me, while my parents were not overprotective (the Internet didn’t really exist in my teen years), being sheltered by growing up in the middle of nowhere as a child was enough “monitoring” for me. I didn’t turn out all that bad (at least I don’t think), but I probably tested the waters a little too much after starting college. Yeah, you know what I mean…

Editorial Note: A few days after writing this blog, a segment aired on WDAY in Fargo (channel six). After viewing it, I wanted to call the parent and say “Yes!” a parent who is participating with their children online instead of monitoring it on the spy level. The mom had joined Facebook and her children were very open to this as well as having her check in on their profiles from time to time. Her kids to some extent even thought it was pretty cool that Mom was on Facebook! I am not sure how long the video will be online, but click here to check it out!